Does Father Know Best? Part I: Play

Any mother can tell you approximately 3 hours postpartum that her parenting style is very different from that of her husband. Chances are, she is so delighted at the birth of her baby that she will admit to this fact in a gleeful and teasing manner: "Oh yes, he's so wonderful with Jennie! He loves her to death, and she's daddy's little girl."

In four-months time however, the same answer to the same question might sound more like this: "He is really rough with Jennie, and he never knows when to stop. He doesn't realize how tiny she is. I have to watch them, even just to make sure he's safe with her!"

Fathers and mothers nurture their children in different ways - and while the fathers may send the mothers to their graves, tearing out their hair in worry and fret - it is a simple truth that both kinds of interaction are very much necessary for children's brains to learn and grow. (Oh shoot, my husband is going to hold me to this....)

Mothers tend to comfort children with play that includes cuddling, talking to, gazing at, or lightly moving their babies. Mothers often hold their babies inward, face-to-face. Fathers, on the other hand, often challenge children by rough-housing, rolling, chasing, hanging, swinging, or spinning their babies. They often hold their children facing outward toward the world.

You may, like me, be apt to reach in the fridge for a cold beer when faced with the bounding of your 180-lb. husband with your 18-lb. baby. Somehow that extra zero really seems to "tip the scales" in favor of someone getting injured. However, try your best to let your husband develop into the playful, guiding, challenging father-figure that he is to your children. If you really let 2-year-old-little-cousin-Bobby hold the new baby, chances are he's more likely to drop the baby than the father. Despite how terrifying fatherly play can appear, it's highly unlikely that your husband will actually succeed in bringing your infant to an early death. Rather, your child is learning to appreciate that he can expect comfort and soothing from his mother; play and adventure from his father. Call me sexist, but these typical parenting roles often play themselves out in many families. It's OK to let nature take its course.

So be thankful that you baby's dad is involved with family life, even if his play-style is enough to set your hairs on end. The important thing to watch for is that your baby feels safe and comfortable with both parents.

If you'd like some ideas to encourage your hubby, regarding different ways to engage and play with your child, check out the website published by the National Center for Fathering.

Of course, the exceptions to this include if you fear that the father is abusive or shakes your baby so violently that she could be at risk for Shaken Baby Syndrome. In any of these cases, you should of course contact emergency help immediately.